Monday, December 03, 2007
Labels: plain down., unusual tension
I'm bored.
sick of life.
tired of slacking,
but I still do.
irritated by the sheer mundane lifestyle I currently abide to.
SATs was an actual nightmare.
currently terrified of the results,
but want know it immediately.
not daring to wish for 1800 anymore.
but just praying hard for the 1600 mark.
brain is slackening,
starting to feel an actual rust.
tension is building up towards the results approaching in 2-3 weeks time.
tired of regretting decisions I've made,
and actions that have not be done.
tired of wishing to achieve dreams,
but actions are not being done.
as it seems the heart is willing,
but the body is weak.
I want to work,
but am unable to find a job satisfactory enough.
many ways of attaining money available,
but I admit my expectations are overboard.
bored of the late nights spent doing nothing,
but cannot bring myself to sleep early.
sick of the nocturnal lifestyle,
but no willpower to turn it back to normal.
disgusted with being so useless,
but cannot find anyway to become useful.
i need to be saved,
but who can save me.
dilemmas occurring,
but no solutions appearing.
living is becoming a joke,
face it.
but being sick of slacking ?!
it just proves to everyone,
what kind of loser i have become or always have been.
it happens that I realised this post have been filled with the word "but" and "I"
I guess it explains my current mindset and the uncertainties filling me,
and that my life solely revolves around myself.
life hasn't been "a bed of roses" to contrary believe.
it will only be accurate if its filled with just thorns and no ugly red flowers.
I need something to drive me on,
someone to enlighten me.
Just to find a spark would do me great.
BUT it just seems that my body, mind and soul is slowly disintegrating,
breaking down bit by bit as time passes.
I need a direction in life,
am tired of all the contradictions and ironies of thoughts going on around me.
I won't even compare my life to everyone surrounding me,
and moan about how much better it is compared to mine.
only because i know what they have,
is what they worked for.
I can only put all this blame upon myself as,
to be useless is a choice.
NOT a forced.
started blogging just to relieve some tension,
but it seems to have became a tinge emotional and reflective.
probably that time or the month/year again,
the time to feel negative.
on a lighter note,
meet my friend Jinnifer.
currently residing in Japan,
whose brother is part of a popular Johnny's boy band.
AND,
if you believed me.
I'd find you foolishly cute in a total-fucking-ly naive manner,
which made my day. :)
jya.